I Didn’t Listen & Now I’m Paying the Price……

Dear Mr. Miller:

My wife tells me I don’t always listen.  This time I really put my foot in it!

My Mom has lost it mentally.  She no longer can handle her financial affairs, let alone remember what went on yesterday.  I want to step in and start writing checks for her bills but I need access to her bank accounts to do that.  She does not have a Living Trust or a power of attorney for finances.  Two years ago when we were in to see our attorney about our own estate planning, we discussed my Mom a little bit.  The attorney told me it was crucial to get my Mom’s affairs “in order.”  He specifically said a power of attorney so that I could access the accounts when Mom’s mental faculties deteriorated to where they are now.  He also suggested a Living Trust for handling Mom’s affairs either during her life or after she died.

Guess what—I didn’t listen!   I’m only on one of Mom’s accounts and the bank simply won’t talk to me  about the others.  The account I’m on has $900 in it.  The others have about $150,000.  In addition to that, Mom has a securities account with about $10,000 in it.

What can I do to dig myself out of this hole?

Distressed Son

If you Listen Life Can Be Easier
Legal Incompetency
Social Security Payments and Incompetency
Conservatorship
Pay and Get Reimbursed Later
Small Estates Procedures on Death
Give Us a Call

Dear Distressed:

If you Listen Life Can Be Easier:  I have a client who was in a similar situation a few years ago.  I still remember what he said and our other readers should take note–because it’s important…….”If they had listened, life would have been easier!”  Take a little time now to save a whole lot of time and effort later.

Legal Incompetency:  If your Mom really is legally incompetent then it’s too late to do a power of attorney or a Living Trust.  As I suggest later, contact us; we’ll be able to help you decide if she really is LEGALLY incompetent as that term has a meaning different than what most people think.

Social Security Payments and Incompetency:  So here’s the deal.  If the $900 account is “fed” by your Mom’s social security and retirement payments, it will keep on being replenished.  These payments typically will not stop due to your Mom’s incompetence.  Further, you can become a “Representative Payee”  through Social Security which will allow you to manage those payments.  The process is relatively easy.  You can pay bills from that.

Conservatorship:  If that account is not going to be enough, i.e. there is a larger emergency medical payment that needs to be made, etc. you do have some choices.  You can go to court to be appointed conservator of your Mom’s affairs.  There is going to be an expense for that for the attorney, physician’s statements, and such, and, of course, your time, but it should give you access to the other accounts.

Pay and Get Reimbursed Later:  Alternatively, you can simply pay her larger bills out of your funds, assuming you have enough.  Then what?  I’m going to make the assumption that if your Mom is single and if she had a Will it left everything to her children.   So if you do this, please get written acknowledgment from any siblings that you will get repaid off the top of the estate when your Mom dies.  Failure to do this may lead to ugly litigation or leave you holding the bag when your Mom passes.  Again, talk to us, first!

Small Estates Procedures on Death:  Amazingly, when your Mom dies it actually may be easier from a procedural standpoint.  If she had a Will leaving everything to her children equally or did not have a Will (and she is single), then everything passes to the children equally.  Given that the estate is less than the magic number of $208,850 (as of April 1, 2025) , a simple affidavit (sort of like a signed letter) is all that is needed to gain access to the funds.  If for some reason the value is more or real estate is involved, then it does get more complicated.

Give Us a Call:  Give us a call at 760-436-8832 to help you sort all of this out, as waiting can make things infinitely worse.